easyblog THE POSTMAN ALWAYS…

…RINGS TWICE…

yes… that’s true. I’ve got two parcels today. The first one wasn’t for me, it was the new satellite dish. We had a power blackout and as the power came back our old dish went to the Pink Poneeh Ranch.  That’s awful… I was without DCI Barnaby and without mommas Fashion God for nearly a whole week…

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Butt fortunately  we got the new one today  what my dad installed immediately with 16 tons of expanding foam and 87 indecent curses…

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butt the punishment follows swiftly, after he decorated the whole crib with expanding foam and placed new aerial wires efurrywhere that he nearly ended like Cat Ballou in Wyoming, he noticed that the power collapse killed not just  the dish, one of the  receivers is KIA too.

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Butt at least I have TV in my bedroom and I can watch DCI Barnaby tonight. And if I will not fall asleep before it ends I’m maybe able to write the address of the production company in my Bad Idea Catalog to get the role of the  serial dog in one of the next epawsodes…

Then the postman ringed again and this time he was a girl and brought a giant blue bag… and it wasn’t for me…

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GIVETTOTHEWEIMARANERGIVEITTOTHEWEIMARANER!

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… boy that was a big thingy…

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…I nearly couldn’t  drag it on my bed…

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…butt the social-revolutionary knows no siesta, like Mr. Lenin once said and so…

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… I started a slaughter pawty immediately…and viola a wonderful blue jigsaw…

…pretty cool, huh?…

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… and look there is a box inside…

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… with shoes…that’s like 3 treats in one…

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…furst the bag, then the box and then the shoes…

…sadly a dragon as mad as a wet hen interrupted me.. and that hen said: Thanks Doofus, you ruined  the birthday gift for your dad…Shall I give him a gnawed box and shredded packages?

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Yeah… why not…

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FURST:  we put all that stuff  in that silly frog bag and we turn the box to the wall, so he will not notice the damage…

… and otherwise you can blame it on the postman, who was a girl this time…

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SECOND: IT WASN’T ME….

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THIRD:   I have an urgent appointment …I’ve got to run…

HAVE A GOOD TUESDAY AN DON’T TRUST THE POSTMAN WHEN HE RINGS TWICE… SPECIALLY WHEN THE POSTMAN IS A GIRL

Last butt not least: we say thank you to sportsdirect.com  for a superfast delivery…. we would be literally  Lost In France  without ya….

 

 

 

easyblog MISCHIEF MO(A)NDAY

Hell-o and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

why? because we cut our hedge! YAY!

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you need 3 pawsons to cut a hedge… one who climbs on a wobbly ladder and who waves around with the hedge clipper like a windmill…

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…one who has to grab all that leaves and branches and who puts it in bags while using the wildest curses…

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…and one who has an eye on the sword-waver and the leaves-girl… the boss… the supervisor..

and that one is: ME

the most important thing when you have to supervise that humans is:

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TO BE IN THE WAY

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and TO BE IN THE WAY

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and then you have TO BE IN THE WAY

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…to make it more interesting you can PEE IN THE WAY too… like a girl hehehehe… boy was that woman grumpy…

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…oh wait…. there is a STICK in that bag… Weimaraners have to rescue efurry stick, I learnt that from my brother Goose… and so…

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we can ignore that cow-lateral damage… even when the mom and the bag ended UPSET…

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butt at last we finished that hedge beast… it has some branches left, like flags on the tower of a castle and it looks wavy like a rollercoaster… but hey life is a rollercoaster, so our hedge can be one too, right?

HAVE A GOOD MO(A)NDAY ALL

 

easyblog SUNDAY STROLL

Hell-o,

today we were on the road to Plemet La Prenessaye.

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There is a castle… but you will guess it… we couldn’t find it…

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more left, more left… aaah naaah more right…

Not even with my fabulous hunters nose nor with René at the wheel…

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can anyfurbuddy tell me where is the road?

… and not even Greta had a clue how we could find that castle thingy…

sorry guys, seems we all are lost in France...

sorry guys, seems we all are lost in France…

…butt hey  we found an old train station… that’s better than nothing, right?

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The rails are removed and there is only the abandoned train station and…

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…a small pee-house. Les Dames can enter that little hut to pee private, butt …

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… the guys have to do their business in public…or poo-blic?

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Whatever, René tried that immediately …. EWWWW René, put your pants on no one wants to see a nekked croco butt on a howly sunday morning…

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Then we wandered on the ole railroad through a dark forest…

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…where we saw crazy signs on the trees…

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…bridges over non troubled waters…

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and green thingies on the left and on the right…

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… till René discovered a secret sign… it says that the ole rail road is now a playground for Lycra-Freaks, who picked egg-sactly THIS sunday morning for a pitiful copy of the Tour de France…

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…I was in total war-modus… I foamed like a bubble bath…

Oh…. a Lycra Freak… wait … I will get ya… Ready….

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…Set…

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…. aaaaaand LIFT OFF!

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We actually planned to walk from La Prenessaye to Plemet on that ole road, butt sadly my dad had not the balls for maneuvering 80 lbs pure TNT amongst 87 Lycra Freaks…

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and therefore we waddled back to the ole train station were my dad and René had a short break. They are sniveling simps and they never will make it to the Tor-tour the France or to the Owlympigs…

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… although I have to admit that I was exhausted too… to have that humanoid kite in tow the whole time is hard work… that’s like running with a shackle…

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… butt we all had fun and enjoyed an EASY sunday morning… except my mom,  furst she furgot René and had to go back, then she furgot Greta in the car (shame on her, huh?) and at last she furgot my water bowl at home and I had to use the sos-bottle with the misconstruction of a bowl, what’s made for a stork…

HAVE A SUNNY SUNDAY ALL

 

 

 

easyblog SUPERSATURDAY

Hell-o,

Hawk, the brown dawg nominated me for

8 PHOTOS OF HAPPINESS

Many Thanks Hawk!

… and here I am to share the things with you what make me happy…

… it makes me happy to smell the flowers… and to arrange it  the Weim-way

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… and to share them with a friend… sorry bro, they look a little wild now, butt even roses were  wild-flowers once…

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… I’m happy when we start for a long walk…

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… and I write I’m so hap-PEE on every bush and tree…

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… and I’m happy that the new chick in town is brave enough now  to say hell-o instead to run away like a fart in a drum… Her name is SHITIFURGOTIT… said my mom…

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…to see that even the pommeranian girl smiles at me makes me happy too…

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… like greeting the horses on the meadow… they have good manners they always nodd with their heads when they see me… or maybe that’s the horse way to bow their head when Sir Easy Rider walks by?

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a happy moment is to see a MOO…

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and a MOO-ning… in red… butt hey that fit’s to the flowers, right?

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… and I’m a happy pup when I’m back at home… exhausted butt super happy!

What makes you happy? Don’t wait, grab your cam and tickle the keyboard to share your 8 photos of happiness with me, Blogville and the world.

btw: I just saw we have 9 photos… that’s because my mom is the epic math-fail on two legs… butt on the other hand, this world needs happy moments and happy photos…the more the merrier, right?

HAPPY SATURDAY TO YOU ALL

 

easyblog BLAST FROM THE PAST

Hell-o

to a new epawsode of Bacon’s SHOW&TELL. This time we want to share a funny or special  thing what happened as we were childs… ummm…. well… where shall I begin? hehehehehe….  Butt guess what? I could begin with the the begin… the begin of my mom’s career as a junior criminal…

It happened many moons ago as my momma was 11 or 12 years old… It was summer and it was as hot as in hell and there was Liz her partner in crime friend and there was Sylvie  who invited mom and Liz to her birthday party. Butt it was friggin hot and the two girls were not in the mood to drive  the 3 miles UPHILL with their bikes  to Sylvie’s crib… and yes, it’s still hot…

… and while hanging around on the farm of my mommas grandpawrents, they discovered the ole Fendt  what mom’s  grampy used to clean  the stable and for transporting hay and straw… Liz-Bonnie and Clyde-mom needed no words, only a screwdriver to start the traktor.   Liz and the birthday gift for Silvie jumped on the loading space and off they went. They sure could maneuvre farm machines,  like efurry farmkid butt it is a difference between  driving in a stable or on a field and to drive on a real street, specially when your ride has still the muck fork installed. Butt they ignored the fact that they wobbled  along like a ship in distress, they were only glad that they found a way to make that three miles uphill without any effort.

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Unfortunately Sylvie’s crib was next to the school and un-unfortunately that day the caretaker of the school had to call the pawlice because someone smeared bad words on the walls of that school…. that darned young vandals, may they rott in hell…

And because the bad luck sticks always on my momma like the sh*t on the butt of a sheep, they got busted by the pawlice… what a timing…

The pawlice asked for the drivers license and the documents… uuuuh come on… they were 12 , no 12 year olds  have any papers … specially not when they look like 10…

And because Liz and my mom were hardcore consuments of The Streets of San Francisco and Kojak, they knew how to act in such a case. Liz and mom took the fifth and demanded  a lawyer. The pawlice claimed the key of the ride and ooooh their face as my momma offered them the screwdriver… and then they  grabbed  and escorted the two Jane D’oh’s to the paddy wagon and brought them to the nick of the next town. Fortunately they crossed the village of mom an Liz and mom’s  granny saw them wild waving behind the window of the paddy wagon as she had a cat chat on the street with her neighbor Chris.

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Chris jumped on her bike and offered to inform Liz’s mom and moms grampy (and en passant all inmates of the whole kraal) and so mommas grampy and Liz’s mom turned into the cavalry and galopped in their dirty work clothes to the town, to rescue the two jailbirds.

The pawlice-guys were humorless idiots, they really would blow up  that flyspeck   to a real case and because 12 year olds are incapable of crime, they tried to pee on the grampy and Liz’s mom for neglect of  parental responsibility. After a battle with a lot HBO words and wasting a lot of time and paper, they gave in and set them free with a reprimand what was furgotten as soon as the door jumped into the lock…

….and we jump too…  directly  to the FFHT-Hop by the Mayors Murphy and Stanley

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That was the furst time ever… that ALL  dramatis personae learnt something:

Sylvie learnt that to eat the whole  birthday cake alone leads to a night in the bathroom… butt  that’s NO reason to break up with Liz and my momma… just saying…

Liz learnt that the loading space of a traktor is no sofa, there is always something what smells not like roses and it hurts to throw your best  jeans away…. butt hey… at the end that greasy stinky stuff from your butt was in the pawlice car too… well done!

Liz’s momma learnt that to run away from 60 cows without opening the intake of the  milk tank leads to a giant mess and to a consumption of the  wallet

My mommas grampy learnt that silence is golden and much better than to tell a hellion kid how to start a tractor with a screw driver…. and to tell the same kid that to drive a tractor is THE SAME like driving a car is just plain insane…

My momma learnt that to be a criminal pays off, because she kept that wisdom of her grampy deep inside of herself and by now she treats  all cars like a tractor…

The screwdriver learnt that he has to live in a property room now because that idiots furgot to give it back …

The pawlice learnt that you can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip… butt hey, they got a free screwdriver… better than nothing…

An today I learnt something too… now I know WHY some things in my crib are like they are and that my mommas criminal energy accrued by outside influences and dilemmas  and that she is quasi a victim of society …. or just a hellion… I don’t know…

HAVE A GOOD FURRYDAY ALL

 

 

easyblog TROUBLE THURSDAY

Hell-o…

the postman came to my crib… butt instead to GIVEITTOTHEWEIMARANER, he dumped that poor parcel in our mailbox and disappeared…

Fortunately or better UN-fortunately? my dad found the abandoned parcel and he GAVEITTOTHEWEIMARANER….

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…who jumped on his bed and opened that thingy the Weimway…

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…unfortunately that parcel wasn’t for me…

…and un-unfortunately my mommas new e-reader was in that parcel…

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…butt hey it must be a good one, because it survived the Weimaraner-Hardcore-Crashtest…

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… boy was I in da sh*ts as she saw me…

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…butt hey, even the worst things can have a good side and so she furgots to pan the Weimaraner for the killed pillow… probably a pillow of Mother Hulda , because it started to snow immediately as I made a hole in that thingy… snow in july! that’s beyong belief…except you live in Oz :o)

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Oh wo-maaaaan, climb  down from your palm tree and relax…

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…see, if that reader-thingy will not work like the other one you got two weeks ago, we can send it back in a chewed box too…

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… and then we blame it on the postman hehehehe…

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FYI:

CASTRATED CREAM:

you need: one pack of common cream, something like that:

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now you filter and  torture that stuff with ultra-high temperatures and whatnot and extract all essential stuff till you get simple colored water…

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you can whisk that stuff till you get a tennis hell-bow, it’s always water and it runs down from efurry cake, so that anything you do with that stuff ends as an epic fail. And it also tastes always like colored water… butt you are happy that you still  can squeeze your ice cream cemetery in the Suzie Quattro Memorial Pants without problems… you only need your dad who has to shake you in that pants and a tongs to close the zipper…. easy peasy, huh?

HAVE A GOOD THURSDAY ALL

easyblog SHOP TILL YOU DROP

Hell-o

to a new epawsode of Bacon’s and Fozziemom’s shopping around the world.

Today we buy some 5 things  what we need to prepare a meal…

My momma picked something what you can offer your furmily for a meal when you visited the shoe store before the grocery shop…

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1 can of tuna in brine ( we used a small one, you know… the shoes…)

140 grams = 1.39 euros $$ 1.54

1  pack of puff pastry

0.89 euros $$ 0.98

1 pack of castrated cream

200 gram 0.49 euros $$ 0.54

two  french  bonsai-onions ( she really had the chutzpah to buy TWO small onions)

0.19 euros $$ 0,21

1 pack of salmon fix by Knorr, the allrounder in efurry lazy-girl-kitchen

0.79 euros $$ 0,87

place the puff pastry on a baking sheet (the baking parchment is included in our packs) and use a fork to poke holes in that thingy…

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remove the brine of the tuna, cut the pitiful two onions and throw it in a bowl together with the Knorr fix and the castrated cream. Mix it with the fork you used for torturing the puff pastry…

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… till it looks like… recycled food. Then you throw it on the puff pastry and place it in the pre-heated oven (~225°c)

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While waiting for 20 minutes, you can stalk through your crib with your new shoes or you can prepare the food for your beloved pup with the seriously injured paw.

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first class beef  1kg 11.90 euros $$ 13.15***

*** ignore that crap they wrote below the offer,that you rather should eat 5 fruits than one kg of meat…it’s only a crusade of  my momma the muesli freaks…

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Go away woman, I don’t like beef…I want 5 fruits… naah sh*t… I want 5 lobsters…

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bwaaaaarks… I eat it only because you promised me new toys… and well, I’m hungry… and it looks better than your tuna tarte…

tuna tarte? … oh wait the tuna tarte… Rats!  we actually furgot to take a photo… either we retrieve that tarte via emergency exit or we present you the leftovers…

… I think we pick option #2:

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Happy Shopping!

oh wait..

PUPDATE:

my paw looks a little better:

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butt nevertheless I’m still the pup with the seriously injured paw…

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… who needs the best place on the sofa and a pillow…

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GIMMEATREAT!

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nomnomnom…

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waltz off, the seriously injured paw an me need a nap…

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what? NO?… well then… I will vanish into thin air…

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… butt including  the pillow…

 

 

easyblog MISCHIEF MO(A)NDAY

Hell-o…

it’s me and my SERIOUSLY INJURED PAW…

…I had to stay in my bed on weekend because of that shitty weather outside seriously injured paw..

… and beside of my seriously injured paw I was as hungry as a dinosaur, because she furgot to bring me a treat all two minutes…

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… and I had to eat my bed to save my life…

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… and my 7 stomachs…

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… after 87 hours she suddenly appeared and instead to feed me, she interrupted my lunch time…

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… that woman knows no mercy and ignored the fence time for her sick puppy completely…. outrageous…

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She groused for the ruined bed and said I’m sick… yep, egg-sactly I’m sick and you rather should bring that water bowl to the sick puppy, instead that I have to crawl to the bowl as weak as a kitten…

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look how I look… totally sad and seriously injured… and whatever…

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…gimme a treat!

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yo… not bad… now you can leave my bedroom, butt tiptoeing please…

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… the  consultation-hour is over and the Weimaraner and his seriously injured paw need a nap…

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… is she vamoosed? … great hehehehehe… do you think I can stretch that bubble-gum to the limit and the sick puppy parody  works for the whole week? … you can place a bet….

HAVE A SUPER MO(A)NDAY ALL

 

 

easyblog SUPER SATURDAY

Hell-o,

guess who came to my crib today? The howl-i-copter of the canadian red cross… and he brought Queen Penelope the Cat From Hell to me… isn’t that cool that the message of the SERIOUSLY INJURED PAW found it’s way over the big pond and they sent even the Queen of CATnada to help that poor pup with the SERIOU… well, ya know…

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Mes will take good care of that puppy with the SERIOUSLY INJURED PAW, I have the full equipment for any reason in my emergency case…. You can go away for 87 hours… no purr-oblem…

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They are gone… are ya ready?

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Mes is ready of course… look what fabulous medicine we have…

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Turn on the music, open the beer and let’s pawty… a pawty is anyway called a pawty because it’s good for the paws… Thanks Queen Penelope of CATnada for the first aid…. hope there is alca seltzer in that first aid kit too… hehehehe

HAVE A PAWSOME CATURDAY ALL

 

 

easyblog FURRY FURRYDAY

Hell-o,

Furst, sorry for being absent yesterday, we had no internet/phone/cellphone nor any connection to the world. In the early morning they interrupted the connections to fiddle around with nodes and lines and we were outside the civilization the whole day. Butt instead to spend that day with me on the sofa, the staff decided to clown clean around in my crib without regard for their pup who has an ouchie.

Casey suggested to milk that SERIOUS INJURED paw come hell or high water and after they smeared milking grease on my paw, I was ready to follow that brilliant advice:

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MOOOOOOOM… your SERIOUS INJURED pup needs some company…

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…you could sing a song or you can say  some magic course words spells for my SERIOUS INJURED paw instead to sit halfarsed on my sofa….

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…. and No! I can’t move, I’m SERIOUS INJURED… even when you will plonk   your ice cream cemetery on the floor…

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…. ice cream?… yeah… that’s a good med for a SERIOUS INJURED paw…

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…so now you can go away…. the Weimaraner needs a nap for his SERIOUS INJURED paw…. and he has to ponder what you can do tomorrow  for your SERIOUS INJURED pup…

HAVE A GOOD FURRYDAY AND A SUPER WEEKEND