FRACTURED FRYDAY HAIRY TAILS
by MURPHY&STANLEY
by MURPHY&STANLEY
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this week:
“Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse . . . “
This time I will tell you the story of our chimney…. it was an endless story for 4 years… and I hope that story hasn’t another chapter…
It began in 2009 as a hornet tribe decided to live in the smokestack of our chimney. Unfortunately they built their hornet-city direct in the middle of the smokestack so you couldn’t remove them, neither from above nor from below… Hornets are disgusting. They can sting you and because they live carnivore their shit smells like…shit…
The fact is that we don’t live in a forest where we occupied their biosphere, we live in a village and they occupied my habitat. So they had to go. Butt how…
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The firefighters we called, said that they aren’t responsible for private buildings they only have to remove insects from public buildings. Butt the firefighters sold us a spray what allegedly sprays up to a distance of 7 meters… yeah… maybe… butt not when you have to put your nut in the open chimney and if you have to spray upwardly… because then the whole benedictory mist comes back and lands on you…. butt no worries my dad survived the poisonous shower, even when it was painful. Butt true heroes are made of steel right?
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The hornets applauded at my poisoned dad and gave a monkeys fart on the fact that we paid 37 bucks for this spray-bomb… We tried to light the chimney, butt they only left their city, hovered around the stack and went back. We used stinky incense sticks and a diy-flamethrower… no success… and so we called around if someone can help. Even Rent-o-kill said “no thanks”, because they had no equipment to enter our roof, the bee keeper we called was 83 years old and not keen to walk on clouds or on our roof top and no one whould lend us such a long ladder or a truck with a lift and a working cage and so we had to bear the horrible hornets…. and we had to close our chimney with a slab and tons of crime scene tape…
..Butt JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE and I was afraid that we will have a cold crib in fall and winter my mom had an idea….Ideas of my mom are either criminal or dangerous and in worst case they are both. Like this time. We only had to wait till the hornets die or are plastered with the first frost. Then my granny bought a giant box with new years rockets and firework as soon as that stuff was available and she brought all that explosive stuff to my crib as they visited me for christmas. They removed all things from the living room and then my dad placed one of the rockets in an empty bottle what he placed in the open chimney and then he lighted the rocket. SWWWWWIIIISSSSH! said the rocket rushed through the smokestack and bursted in the air…. awww yellow and green stars, how nice… but sadly a miss….
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After some rockets we shot in the air with missing the goal our neighbor came and asked what kind of firewood we use…. and that was the moment as my mom was sick of that senseless banging and tied a lot of rockets together with some firecrackers what were in that new years box together with the rockets. My dad, that fearless firebug, fired this giant bomb and put the slab on the chimney hole immediately. …. three… zero…one…lift off! WHOOOM! and with a giant BANG! we launched the weirdest Apollo Mission ever …. because of the different firework thingies my mom cobbled together the rockets lost their uplift force and they tottered around like a fart in a drum till they bursted in our chimney….. the slab flew away and within a minute you coulnd’t even see the last man standing in our living room because of the giant dust cloud and the soot what came out of our chimney…. but there was a crackling noise too and guess what they saw: HORNET CITY CAME DOWN & LAYS IN ASHES! YAY! VICTORY! POBJEDA! TRIUNFO! ZAFER! The dust-ghosts celebrated their victory and the clever mom-missile and the neighbor nodded recognizing with his head…. till he saw the surprising degree…
.ruins of
Pompejichimney.
The explosion of mom’s missile demolished the whole smokestack, the cast and plaster came down and we even got a crack in the wall of the office… that means the smoke of the burning chimney comes out now there and therefore we only can use this chimney with a chimney liner and a fireplace insert…and we need a chimney guy…
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The chimney guy said he will come tomorrow and that was on 12/22/2009… but by now he never appeared… and so I spend my FIRST CHRISTMAS in that furmily on a field of devastation and we waited till last year that the guy comes tomorow and we had to heat up my crib with electricity all that time (that’s like burning money)…. and JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE…. you maybe remember what happened last christmas as my dad and my granny tried to fix the chimney… it was the NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS... literally, butt the hardcore version…
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This year the hornets live in the smokestack of our kitchen, there we have a fireplace insert and nevertheless some of this creepy critters enter my crib …. although we still have some leftovers from the firework thingies my mom isn’t allowed to build another mom-missile…. butt she is on the path of war and I’m sure she will find a way… or another…..HAVE A SUPER FRYDAY ALL
Easy Blog 
Easy, I was planning not to look at any FFHT posts today, ‘cos after my horrid week I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to read about things getting worse. But you know what, these disaster stories, when they happen to someone else, really are cathartic. I feel so much better now. Thank you Easy.
Toodle pip!
Bertie.
great that I could help you a little Bertie :o) I hope your ouchie heals up soon and you will forget that bad adventure….
Wow that sounds terrible… we have that spray stuff here too and we get lots of nests around our property. It works pretty good I think, except they just seem to go and build a nest somewhere else, the survivors. Last year, we had our killer bee hive attack my dad and grandpa for no good reason and they called in the beekeeper to take out the hive. Well, the bees are back this year but they haven’t shown any signs that they are killer bees yet…
this bees are horrible, we had them at our church… fortunately there the firefighters could remove them. I hope we can reach the nest with a spray or a flame thrower…it’s scary to have such house guests :o)
OMD Easy nothing is simple in your crib. Peeps is crying with (laughter) sympathy. I can’t believe the evil sting bombers have moved to the kitchen. Crikey why does mum not make them a cheesecake???? Please no more mumbombs. Have a fabulous Friday.
Best wishes Molly.
imagine the cheesecake had the same effect as always on that hornets…. and they all would get the runs hahahaha
Easy this truly is a “fractured fairy tale” – you are plagued by hornets and mom-bombs and all manner of destruction at every turn. That fireplace is I’m sure haunted by some kind of evil force that’s determined to keep you and your parents from using that fireplace to keep warm (although I’m sure the hornets are nice and warm up in the stack!). Wish I had the answer for you……alas I don’t. My parents have a screen up around the fireplace stack which seems to keep stuff from getting in there BUTTTT hornets are small enough to get through the screen and every year when we have our FIRST fire in the fireplace, we see a couple of hornets. After one or two good fires though we see them NO MORE. I hope some kind of plague attacks the hornets and they die or fly away…………..you need some peace and quiet around there!
Hugs, Sammy
sadly our hornets are fireproof, they come back after some hours. my dad said we need a small grid or a net around our stack to keep them out. my mom said we could close the whole stack…. and now she is pondering why dad gave her THE LOOK.
Easy…well…after going to the loo because of laughing too much..sympathy of course..what a dang disaster this whole thing has been …I mean I have to admire mum ..ground control to major mum….commencing countdown engines on hahaaha….I am of course curious as to whom was holding what appears to be a cooking pot in the pic where dad is going where no dad should go..DIY chimney..and why ? ..goodness me what a hornets nest has been stirred up indeed…yikes!!! hugs and loves Fozziemum xx
hahahaha…. wait now I have to go to the loo too… ok, I’m back… that’s a connecting piece for the chimney. sadly it was the wrong thingy and so my dad decided to modify that thingy, butt to adapt an adapter isn’t easy and in the photo my grampy presented adapter #2 to the two building cowboys who ruined adapter #1 with brute force and a NON-sense of proportion :o)
Haahha…looks like TP being used all round the world over your post!! it looked all the world to me like someone was offering to cook up some beans or something hahaahahha…tomorrow we continue the Kitty Day Spa..aka Catio…let’s hope all slot A’s fit slot B’s or Fozziedad will be all F’s bwahahaaah 🙂 loves Fozziemum xx
hahaha that would be great… in the heat of the diy-battle… anyone on for beans?
shall I send my staff to help you? … better not, huh?
Hahaaahah 🙂 I think the more the merrier Easy…I am sure some minor assembly is required…as they always say…send a pot of beans 😉
yes, at last we can blow our projects to atoms with the beans when we nailed it :o)
Bwahaahahaahh..beans..just..like undies full of hornets….bwaahahahh 🙂
It could only happen in the Easy household. We think Grandma has a death wish bringing fireworks into your house 😀
hahahaha… the same moment she gave the explosive toys to my mom she said: …I’m not sure if that was right… …toooo late, granny :o)
best laid plans,, cost money and the clean up must have been crazy what is wrong with some people Easy?
I have no clue Fredrieka…. why they never ask smart persons like you and me? …humans are crazy…
Oh brother that is a “things couldn’t get worse” story and it does get worse. What a stinging story. Now I hesitate to share this with you for fear it might give your missile mom an idea butt here goes. When my MOM lived in Virginia with her cousin and her husband there was a flaming chimney story. Here is the short version: It was a few days after Christmas and family was gathered around. When the husband of MOM’s cousin (we will call him Dean cuz that’s his name) decided to get rid of the Christmas tree. This is an OK idea as the tree was dead and dry and needles were falling everywhere. BUTT Dean had this idea after a few gallons of beer. So he took the dried out Christmas tree and shoved it UP the chimney. Yep shoved it right up there. There he drank another beer and lit a match and and WHOOOOOSH, as the saying goes it lit up like a Christmas tree. The fire was so BIG that the flames shot out of the TOP of the chimney!!!! MOM and her cousin went outside because the smoke and heat inside was way to much to bear and they looked up at the chimney and flames were shooting out. It looked like the roof was on fire!! Then Dean came outside looking for more trees to shove up the chimney hole. Butt MOM and her cousin sat him is a snow bank and sat on him. I bet your hornets would not survive a chimney fire like that. Butt neither would your crib. However I bet the firefighter when they come would then take care of the hornets.
Blessings,
Goose
Goose, brother that’s a very special version of LIGHT UP THE TREE…. wow! bet the boys of the bloodhound gang saw that and wrote their “da roof is on fire” song.
Dad will call the fire fighter chief tonight, maybe they can remove hornet city via training lesson….
We don’t know what to say – apart from we are surprised you house is still standing 🙂 🙂
me too hahahaha. butt it’s build from granite and it survived two wars, so I hope it is strong enough for my staff too.
YIKES that IS a Hairy Tale! Every year we get birds who nest in our fireplace. Every year Mom says to Dad they need to cap it….every year they forget when the birds leave….repeat….year after year. We did get bees that come back in our yard every year. This year they decided to build a nest in our concrete fence 😦 We’re glad our Mom didn’t build any mom-bombs!!!
The Florida Furkids
hahahah same here. every year they plan to cover the stack with a net or a grid… and every year they forget it…
Oh, I hate hornets…I hope mom comes up with something to blast them away….ka-boom.
we hate them too… and I really hope there are some dangerous minds in my mommas head :o)
I have a suggestion. Have the entire family eat my grandmother’s soup made of cabbage, lentils and dried mushrooms. The whole house will have a rather peculiar odor and the hornets will leave and never come back. HOWEVER; please don’t light any matches or have any open flames for six hours.
….do you think it would help to use wine corks too for the next 6 hours too?
OMD!!! Easy, you are very LUCKY that you even have a crib left at all! Keep those firewords far away from Mom…..please!
she has a strict weapons hold-order and my dad will ask some pro’s tonight :o)
Oh My! I am dying.. laughing. What with the Mom Missile and all!!! Your Mom and Granny are too funny and poor Dad. They think it up and your Dad carries out the plan.. same as our house. And now I don’t feel so bad about all the stupid annoying stuff that happens to what I thought was only us on the Tiny Ten! Some day must tell your about the frozen sh*t pipe at our lagoon. Oh and I am sure Easy your Mom will find a way! Oh MY!!!!
oh I would like to hear that story!!!! maybe we should have a sh*t bloghop once, we have a story about a broken wastepipe too hahahahaha
hope we will find a way to wreck hornet city again and I cross my paws that this time one of this humans is smart enough to place a grid or a net on the smoke stack…
Oh WOW brother. Now that is quite a predicament to find oneself with in the crib. I applaud your mom at her creativity of using fireworks to evacuate the ones not paying rent. It does make me wonder what the next step could be in getting rid of them… I’ll think of this and see. Most interesting indeed. XOXO – Bacon
sadly my dad deprived the “power of attorney”…. but the thoughts are free and so we ponder about a long distance flame-thrower….
ooohh – that would be so very exciting. Don’t forget to video tape for all of us to watch. I’ll make the popcorn! XOXO – Bacon
of course, that will be the perfect howl-o-ween movie :o)
Oh Easy – you and your mom make me laugh. Such adventures! I hope you find an easier method to get rid of this new nest – they are nasty!
me too… they have to go, they are squatters! hope we find someone who has a plan before mom has a new idea :o)
OH EASY guess what we had honey bees in our outer family room wall for two years, they kept building and building until one day dad decided it was enough, he tried to smoke them out, cos afterall he smokes and it about kills us all off in the house, well they left in a rage, and parked their butts in the local pine tree, it was a scary scary picture, like an army ready to invade our house, then once the smoke was gone, they went back. Eventually someone came up with an idea to move them, because they are kind and loving bees, not like your hornets and they are now gone and so is the honey!!! We are sorry about your disaster, parents sometimes make poor choices. Stella rose
oh I can imagine that…they really beleaguered your house…. how scary. I hope we will find a way to remove the hornets , it can end bad, because I always try to catch them….
Holy hornets, Batman! My s-i-l had a hornet problem just about a week ago (also in France, evidently great hornet territory) but was told they were a protected species, so she couldn’t kill them. It was an entirely awful experience, one I’m glad was done before I arrive next week, especially the part where the maddened hornets were coming down the chimney into the stove and the house!!
janet
I skipped that part :o) It’s true, there is a “obligatory tolerance”, butt I wrote the hornets a notice to leave what they sadly irgnored and so I have to take action for possession ;o) a land what mistreats dogs and cats protects hornets and wasps… a farce…
No THAT has to be the very bes of all FFHT we have heard. We aren’t going to let the Momster see this post because we have had nornets build their nest in our chimney top too. We didn’t see them this year, so we hope they are gone. No one wants to get WAAAAAYYYYYY up there on our very high and steep roof. Luckily we don’t use the fireplaces that lead to this nesting area.
We will be anxiously awaiting the outcome of this new nest at your crib.
Woos – Phantom, Ciara, and Lightning
I wonder why they always pick this places? that’s crazy that so much blogvillers said they had or have them too there. I hope we will find a way to destroy hornet city, best without using a mom-idea lol
Wow, that’s dedication. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable using fireworks indoors.
I agree and it wasn’t the best idea, that’s for sure. hope mom has a good idea too what will not end in a disaster :o)
What a terrible predicament! Hornets are so rotten, you must get rid of them. They need their own place, no freeloading at Easy’s place!
I agree Emma… they pay no rent and they occupied our crib so they have to move….and they really stink :o)
Oh easy to be able to live at your house! You have all the fun. Gman destroys stuff but so far hasn’t blown anything up. We need to have our chimney sweeped maybe we should try the missile hooked to a broom. Gonna miss reading about your adventures, stAy safe and I will check back in in ten days. Xoxoxo
that’s a good idea too…. wonder how much rockets we will need that they can lift up a broom. maybe Gman knows the answer, I will wait till you are back :o)
I seriously hope that your mom does not want to learn from this case and she does not come up with the opposite idea of hiring a fire-engine in order to flush those hornets from the chimney with a torrent of water from above.
oh I hope so….and I hope she knows that I’m made of sugar and not “waterfriendly”
Oh boy, it’s WW3 over there!
we felt the same…hope this year we will have a peaceful christmas :o)
Bravo!! Bravo!! You had us gripped by your wonderful storytelling! OK, there might have been some laughter involved in there too. Your line about your mom about her ideas being criminal or dangerous or both cracked us up! Well done and thanks for pawticipating! We’ll add your link for you!
Your Pals,
Murphy & Stanley
thanks, for adding the linky :o) I was so impressed abot the 87:86 that I totally forgot the tool :o)
Easy darlin’ I am speechless….what an O R D E A L!! Flying critters are a nuisance…
We have been battling Carpenter Bees here but at least they don’t come inside.
Their purpose in life is to bore holes in wood then the build nest in the cavities. The real estate they like best is the wood on the HIGH eaves of our house. So high up we cannot reach them with insect spray. Dad likes to spray them with the water hose as they enter their new hole…the fall to the ground and he smashes them with his size 11 1/2 foot.
They have ruined the entire wooden eave. We will have to replace it with some tough hardiplank….
Hugs madi your bfff
and they call them carpenter bees? that are wrecking bees…. we tried the waterhose-trick too, but they fly inside the stack and laugh at my dad. and we can’t flood the smoke stack, my mom would kill my dad lol
One time they started flying in our house too. They were coming out of a ceiling light!!!! Those sheeps scare me standing at your fireplace. We would scream at them for sure
Lily & Edward
wow, from a ceiling light? ewww, hope you chased them away…. I dislike the sheeps too but I’m not allowed to eat them … butt I try it bit by bit and I remove a piece of their fur when I meet them hehehe
Oh my goodness Easy, that is way, way worse than a bee in a bonnet!
hahaha OMD that’s exactly what it is :o)
Hari OM
………..herhraaaeeehahhaaharrrhaharaaraarhahhrrr af …what kinda woodya useee….dkhheec; can’t type… laughed into asthma….. stay safe and warm y’all… Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx
thanks :o) hope the hornets will give us some wonga when whe light on the chimney… they have a warm and comfy hornet city too :o)
How scary! Did you know bees sting once and hornets are worse because they can sting multiple times.
they are really awful and we are afraid that Easy could get one :o(
Holy Dogs Easy, that is a really scary story!! Yikes, I am so glad we don’t have any of those evil creatures close by us. We do get nests on our deck sometimes, but we have a bug guy come and then they are poof and gone. Rest now my pal.
Loveys Sasha
Oh my gosh, Easy!! What a terrible tail!… Though maybe your mum can market the mum-missile, I could think of a few good uses for one 😉
I cannot believe after all of that you have another creepy community, we have our paws crossed for a better and more permanent outcome for you all 😦
Hugs, Carrie and Pups x
OMC Easy meez sowwy but weez just laffed and laffed da whole story long. Weez know this is a weally big purrawlem and not nice at all, but mommy kuld just see all of this as yous descwibed it. Yous know mommy’s know a pawful lot ’bout gettin’ wid of pesky cwitters, they just not know nuffin’ ’bout “housin'”. Sorry yous mommy blasted a whole/cwack in da wall but at least hers did get wid of fda hornets nest. Is there no way y’all kuld leep them out in da first place? And furthermowe, why is it dat all da “beekeepers” be old fawts dat can barely get wound. Weez had a purrawlem wiff bees a foo years ago and da bee keeper dat showed up wuz a little short older man whose glasses be so fick it made hims eyes look like full size plates. MOL Good luck wiff da hornets.
Luv ya’
Dezi and Lexi
Bwa! Haa!! Haaa!!! Easy! Yous did it! Yous made coffee comes out Mommy’s nose! My Mommy was laughing because what your Mommy odes is furry much like how my Mommy solves problem. Can yous imagine what would happen if they gots together….
Kisses
Nellie
Oh no, that sure was a scary thing to have happen! Chimneys are like that – we had stink bugs coming in through the chimney a few years ago. Mommy was freaking out something awful. She called an exterminator and freaked out at them until they said they’d send someone right over. They did, and no more stinkies. But at least they don’t bite!!
Yikes! Good luck with those nasty hornets. We have what you call “social paper wasps” here. But, they are not very social…just stinging JERKS! And we also have bats…very Howl-O Weenie!
Wyatt and Stanzie
OMG Easy! Hide your mom’s lighter!
Oh Easy that is the funniest story that I have read in a while! I had to read it out loud to my husband. Thanks for the laughs!! ☺
I would just LOVE LOVE to give you a big hug and a kiss!!! Do you love to kiss ??? Zoie did!!
I underestimated your peeps. I didn’t realize that They were rocket scientists.
Oh my!! Why so many hornets around you guys? What fun watching your pawrents though.hahaha
(((Shoko)))
Oh wow. it is the old home renovation predicament. Fix one problem, get another. 🙂
I can’t stop laughing…I would have helped your mom with the mom bomb!