CHRISTMAS HYSTERIA HISTORY
As I mentioned last year, we always have a motto for christmas. This year we will celebrate a Howl-o-wistmas and therefore the ugly Jim is dressed with pumpkins and  scary garlands.
 IMG_0203
I like the idea to have every year a different party, since I entered my crib I had a swedish and  a russian christmas and a Britmas. Butt I asked my mom why she makes every year such an effort for christmas. She told me that’s why she promised  to her pawrents, that when she has her own crib she will celebrate only funny  christmas parties and not THE HORRIBLE CHRISTMAS she experienced with their pawrents once. She told me the story of the NIGHTMARE BEFORE ON CHRISTMAS…  it’s a long story and we should get comfy first…
IMG_0818
…and here it is:
It was in the late 70s and some days before christmas as my  grampy got the order, to buy a christmas tree. He sadly forgot it and as he came to the place where they sold the trees  they were sold out. Shit! His buddy said, no worries, we can steal one tonight after duty.
chr4
My grampy sadly thought that’s a good idea and with his partner in crime he drove to a forest plantation area. The had to climb over a fence, but that was no problem and they really found a super cool tree. They cut the tree and on the return march they got busted by a forest ranger. Both were soldiers and very brave so they decided to run away in a stampede. Unfortunately my grampy lost his army cap and un-un-fortunately  it was his name in the cap, because all this caps look the same and therefore they wrote their name in it to get their own in case of caps off  or another events. The forest ranger wasn’t in christmas mood, he immediately  made a complaint at the garrison commander and showed him the cap as an evidence. My grampy got a major rocket and a very high fine. That means: black prospects for gifts. And my mom’s greatest wish was an overpriced doll house… very bad times for the doll property market…
 chr3
Butt they had a tree and my granny tried to put the tree up. Sadly the tree and the tree stand were not compatible and because she was to lazy to go down to the cellar where they had some tools she tried to carve the trunk with an electric kitchen knife. I was sharp and  strong and it worked well, not on the trunk but on her heel of the hand. Wow! Chainsaw Massacre!
 chr7
After an afternoon at the ER where they fixed her gripping device and a tree carving by left hand, the tree was up and needed only some decorations. My mom decorated the tree that it looked like the feverish dream of a maniac and they placed the trouble-tree on the balcony. There the beast tumbled over three times with damaging the baubles and with the third time of instability, my granny threw the tree including decoration on the street. Like an ancient greek darter and with a lot of audience consisting of the sensationalist neighborhood.
 chr8
On christmas eve as  they had no tree, no gifts, no money but the cap back and a stitched and bandaged hand, they decided to ask for asylum at my granny’s pawrents. My granny told  her  parents what happened and that they have a big fat hole in the wallet and she also has one  in the hand , no doll house for their only child and that she is married with a criminal. Her parents said they are welcome, even the tree-thief and they will get a doll house for their (at this time) only grandchild.
Butt how to get a doll house on christmas eve in the afternoon? Fortunately  Mom’s beloved  grampy was a genius, he asked his brother in law who is a chippie for some furnitures and he immediately tinkered some thingies together. Then Mom’s grampy took a big  ole radio with a wooden chassis, removed all the radio-crap, made two windows in it and decorated the box as best as he could ( he was a farmer and very handy, but he had more gross sensory motor skills).
And as my Mom and their parents arrived after 180 miles and 3 hours at  the asylum, my Mom found a doll house with furnitures and a doll family ( donated with heavy hearts by her older cousins) under the tree. It wasn’t the doll palace she saw in the window display and she said it looks a little strange and there is no doll dad. Her grampy said, that’s  a poor family, who has to live in a shack, because the father is arrested for theft and the mother has an ouchie and therefore they have to spend a low flame christmas without gifts. Mom felt sorry, her parents some  discomfiture and all was well – for a moment. My smart mom decided the dolls should have a candle light instead of a tree, because it’s the holy night. No one realized  it and as they came together later for a christmas supper they noticed a bad smell and some dark clouds from the living room. As Mom’s grampy entered the living room the whole doll shack was on fire! Instead to run away with losing his cap, her grampy opened the window and evacuated the whole thingy via airlift through the open  window. A flying crib, like Dorothy’s in The Wizard of Oz…
 chr2
The doll house was lost with all hands and btw: my mom never got a real doll house. She was very sad and her grampy promised her a rocking horse what her parents had to buy her when the stores will be open again.
To make it short, the rocking horse never reached my mom, because on the way to the city her parents went into a skid  and damaged the fender of their  car badly on the wall of a senior residence.
As if all that wasn’t enough the car wasn’t finished as they had to drive back and Mom’s dad couldn’t risk to get  new trouble for desertion and so they had to drive back in the ole Farm-Munga of Mom’s grampy ( one like this in the picture but “well”-used)
ch1
what had more holes in the hood than Billy Gates has $$. It was not funny to ride home in an half-convertible, even packed in blankets.
Wow what a Shitmas they had. And have I mentioned, that the  following new years party turned into a disaster too? As my poor granny tried to wash away all the sorrows and the trouble of the old year, she probably confused water with booze and welcomed the new year with a ginormous hangover. She asked my mom for a glass of water and said she must die. Mom trusted her, why not she looked exactly like this and ran to the neighbor, Mrs. Walter, for help because her Mom had to die. This woman was the greatest newsmonger since the invention of vocal expression and after she took a look on my granny, she said: your mom will survive she is just plastered…what a SHAME!  The new year wasn’t one whole day old till the whole town was best informed that my granny is a rummy , my grampy a thief and my mom pitiful…
chr5
After this christmas my mom did a solemn oath that when she is adult and has her own crib, we will never have such a lousy christmas. Doll houses and rocking horses are banned, even electric kitchen knifes and no one has his name in a cap or another piece of clothing. Our candle lights are battery-operated and the best: we have NO balcony and no one of our neighbors is called Walter.
HAVE A FABULOUS PRE-CHRISTMAS ALL
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About easyweimaraner

Weimaraner /Braque de Weimar, born in 2009, male & fabulous From: Britanny / France Likes: Plushtoy-Shredding, Spikebones,long distance Walks, everyday a Gift, Chicken, Shoes, Underwear, my squeekie Pig & my whole Life Dislikes: Water, Cats, Beaf, Cats, cleaning my Ears, Cats, the Vet, Cats, Snow & CATS! Profession: Student of psychological War-technics & Terrorism, after my Masterdegree i become to rule the world or maybe to be the owner of toys r us. actually i'm not sure... Status: Single Pets: Hell, NO! i prefer a petfree home. but owner of two slaves for my comfy Misc.: Greencardowner for Masterbed, Master of Beggin, Prince of Thiefs We decided to leave Easy's datas as they were... although we lost him in november 2016, he is still with us.... and his little brother Phenny promised to write on not as Easy the weim, but as an easy Weimaraner... About me: Phenny, born 9/9/2016 a virgo and always fabulous....

100 responses »

  1. PigLove says:

    OMP (Oh my pig)! I.can.not.breathe.brother. Too funny! XOXO – Bacon

  2. Nikitaland says:

    Oh Easy, you looked so relaxed laying on the couch! LOL You need to put on some Christmas-y shorts! That is so neat about your holiday traditions, thanks for sharing your history with us! 🙂

  3. OMG Easy! What a comedy of errors!!! I cannot believe your Grandpa got busted, your Grandma nearly amputated her hand, and you burned up your slum doll house! (you know I mean “slum” in a LOVING WAY!) Just think though, all of these calamities combined to give you the AMAZING sense of humor that you have! Misfortune in life DOES give people the ability to laugh at themselves and their circumstances and THAT is the GREATEST GIFT OF ALL!!! Barks and licks and love, Dakota and Mom

  4. rumpydog says:

    Oh Easy! What a horrible Christmas! But it was a funny tale!

  5. OMD Easy sorry but we have tears running down our face from laughing so much and we sure needed that. That was the best Christmas story EVER pal.
    Have a marvellous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

  6. OwyheeStar says:

    I am speechless again. No wonder you have so much blog material. You Mum had a colorful life, and you keep the saga going. It is all good as the saying goes. ……cute story, adorable tree………..

  7. raisingdaisy says:

    You tell some of the best stories on the Web! 😀 It’s always funnier looking back than it was at the time. Hope you’re having a wonderful pre-Christmas!

  8. Will and Eko says:

    It’s a Christmas miracle that everyone survived. Well except for the tree that is.

  9. Will and Eko says:

    It’s a Christmas miracle that everyone survived. Well except for the tree that is.

  10. Now Easy, that is a story for the Christmas books if I ever heard it! What a Shitmas that was indeed. Your grampy a thief, your granny a drunk and your mom an arsonist. Good grief. I guess it is best that you ONLY celebrate crazy Christmas from now on, with decorations from other holidays (like your Halloween tree). Next year, you should decorate with Easter eggs.
    Oz

    • Oz, that’s a super idea, maybe I can decorate the tree with chocolate eggs, that would be cool! I better wear a helmet for christmas, when the cleptomaniac the chainsaw girl and the pyromaniac are together :o)

  11. what is scary is that is sounds remarkably familiar to the types of Christmas’s my mom remembers (or tries to forget) She laughed and chuckled though thankful she wasn’t the only one who suffered through the silly season

  12. Oh Easy, this story explains many things, not just Christmas 😀

  13. stella rose says:

    WE are laughing and laughing although I imagine it was not so funny, and we loves how you celebrate it now.

  14. Easy it sounds like “The NightMARE Before Christmas” to me! Good grief – no wonder your Mom likes to have an “interesting” tree and celebrate just a bit differently every year. That Christmas of her youth was a pure horror…..beginning to end……and I’m sorry I was rolling on the floor laughing along with my Mom as we read this tale of woe but honestly – it’s truly sad that everything that COULD go wrong that year, WENT wrong. There simply is never a dull moment round your crib….even at Shitmas!

    Holiday Hugs, Sammy

    • That was really a black strike they had. But fortunately all survived and the best was, that they moved the same year and had a new beginning without “criminal records” :o) I’m glad I’m a boy and I don’t want a doll house :o)

  15. cecilia07 says:

    MOL MOL MOL This is another award winning story.
    We love your tree theme this year.
    Hugs madi and mom your bfff

  16. Kyla says:

    This must be left over from “false confessions day”. Where’s the other story and we have to tell which one is true?

  17. Nylabluesmum says:

    *can not breathe* *can not stop laughing* can not stop tears flowing as I am laughing* *still can not breathe* Oh Easy this is by far the FUNNIEST MOST HYSTERICAL MOST HUMEROUS story I have EVER read in my Life…Nylablue is now hiding in the bedroom…she thinks I have lost my mind…she might not come out til Spring…i may not be able to breathe until Spring!!!!
    Thank you for the Christmas story!!!
    Love Sherri-Ellen & Nylablue xoxoxoxo

    • in this case you are welcome in my crazy family :o) My Granny called me an said she saw this post – she remembers that my dad had to buy 250 bucks for the tree, has he stolen a whole forest?

      • Nylabluesmum says:

        I think I would fit in quite well; there is always a holiday disaster in our family too…not as wild as yours but close 😉
        That WAS a might expensive tree Easy!!
        Sherri-Ellen xo

  18. kolytyi says:

    OMG, Easy, are you sure that this really happened and wasn’t only a nightmare of your mom?

  19. This was such a fun post to read. (I guess it wasn’t fun fur your family when all of this was happening). It made such a great story. It makes the “someday you will laugh about this” quote so true. Good thing Ugly Jim is an artificial tree — wouldn’t want your peeps to have to go out an try to buy a real tree or history may repeat itself.

  20. Sounds like the makings of a good movie to me!

  21. Mags Corner says:

    Oh, my!! Easy we know that was not a fun Christmas for your mom but it sure was funny how you told about it. We are real glad that you all only have fun Christmas at your place. We would never want you all to have one like that one your mom had. We are sorry but we laughed when we saw you so laid out and relaxed. We just couldn’t help ourselves the butterfly made us laugh even more. Hugs and nose kisses

  22. The hooman laughed so hard she dropped her laptop and made us all rumble purr crossly at her which made her laugh even more. Silly hoomans!

    Nacho, Noah, Buddy & Basil
    xxxx

  23. katiebblogs says:

    Ahh Easy I’m laughing so hard as my little boy is busily playing before bedtime and I showed him your picture and he wants to see it over and over now! Thanks for the laugh buddy.

  24. Sarge says:

    Hey Easy!
    Wow, this is the funniest story EVER! I’m really sorry that this is true for your Mom, but I gotta admit I’m glad for the belly-laugh. Oh the flying/flaming doll house! BWAR HAR HAR
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Pol Comm

  25. Nail the windows shut, just in case, E. Throwing stuff out the windows seems to be a Christmas tradition in your Mom’s family.

    Love and licks merry pumpkin,
    Cupcake

  26. Frankie and Ernie says:

    OMD OMD Easy this is an AMAZING SHITmess Story fur SURE. Complete with those Famous Biblical thingys
    The Thief,
    The Firey Burned Offering thingy,
    and the Slaying of the Innocent hand.
    WOW, the only thingy missing was a group of WISEa$$ Men.

    WE love your Tree and think it is SUPER.

  27. This one should keep the elves up at night. Hilarious. Jingle on…carefully!

  28. Oh dude!!! What a tale!!!! You had me rollin’ on the floor (and that wasn’t just the flea medication!!! bol) And tell your Moms I love the butterfly….nice to cover your naughty bits when publishing publicly!!
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

  29. Brian Frum says:

    It’s a holly, jolly Christmas Easy!

  30. Hi, first time visiting your blog, Easy. What a story! The worst times as you are going through them often make the best stories later on! Love your modesty with the butterfly! 🙂

  31. Wow Easy, is this whole story true!? This could make for a good movie. Kind of like one of those Home Alone Christmas movies you know.

  32. The OP Pack says:

    Wow, that was definitely the Christmas to forget – poor Mom, we think your Dad should get her a beautiful doll house for Christmas – bet she would be very surprised.

    Woos – Phantom, Ciara, and Lightning

  33. HaHa! I will be reading this story aloud to my son tonight! Sorry to laugh so heartily at the troubles. 🙂

  34. OMD Easy, Mom is glad she waited till she was home from work to read this Christmas story. This is one for the ages for sure
    hugs
    Bailey, Hazel & Greta

  35. fozziemum says:

    Oh good grief….Easy one day I will actually leave a Pee mail in my seat from laughing…so sorry mum had the same wayward childhood as me bwahahhaahah makes for strong character and great sense of humour….this or a tendency to become homicidal maniacs …..sounds like a joke doesn’t it…the thief the knife wielder and an arsonist walk into a bar…..just glad mum decked your halls for the picture!! have a super day my friend and be wary strangers bearing xmas trees bwahahahah much appreciated laugh 🙂 lovies Fozziemum xxx Pee Ess…never did get my good Derwent pencils..always the cheap fat ones in the color range of beige-tan…..not that I am bitter….much 😉

    • Think the things we never got are in our minds forever. But I’m not sure if it is the same when we buy it as an adult.The ice skates mom bought as she was 30 came definitely to late – no chance for a career as an ice princess for a 30 years old girl :o)

      • fozziemum says:

        Poor mum..and I agree..my girlfriend got me some of the much coveted Derwent pencils..i am yet to use them..i smell them every now and then and it takes me back to my friend at school who used to let me watch her use hers..and smell them now and then..funny her parents were broke and mine quite well off..and yet I got stiffed year after year hahhahaahh xxx

  36. Your post notice came to my mom’s email box late at night last night as you know there are a few hours different you and me. She read it and laughed so loudly that she woke me up from my beauty sleep. I think she couldn’t fell asleep after that and tossed and turned zillion times.She didn’t leave any woofs here as her other two eyes weren’t on her bedside table. Most humans here use reusable trees like what I have. I think that tree in our living room is older than me; it’s from my Grandma Laura’s era.

    ~Eva

    • What? she interrupted the beauty sleep of a sheltie princess? not good, take a nap Eva :o) We have a reusable tree too, it’s also older than me like yours. They got it from a store owner as a gift, as they had no tree many moons ago :o)

  37. Andrea says:

    That is quite possibly the worst Christmas ever. I almost feel guilty for all of the lovely Christmases I’ve had. I don’t believe I’ve ever had a bad one. My parents were super fantastic about them growing up, and even when I’ve no tree and no lights, it still looks like Christmas even if I have to drag pine boughs in from the yard and sprinkle them everywhere.

    • I think it’s the spirit of christmas what counts, not the tree or the lights :o) We had a bad one but now even this christ-mess is a memory and fortunately we can laugh about this adventure :o)

  38. mollieandalfie says:

    Oh Easy that was so sad, I know you make it funny for us but that sure was a shite Christmas.Where’s ya Christmas boxers BOL xxooxxx

    Mollie and Alfie

    • I sadly haven’t boxers (we are a one dog crib LOL) but maybe Santa will bring me one? It was a little shitty, yes, but after all this years we really can laugh at this christmas many years ago :o)

  39. Funny funny stuff easy. I love the butterfly on your nads. Clever. I love your themed xmas’s. very cool indeed. Have a very merry pre christmas

  40. Fern Reed says:

    Easy what am I doing??? I am ALMOST BLINE AND CAN NOT SEE ALL YOUR MOM WROTE!!! I shouldn’t be on the blogs at all !!!!! But I would miss you ALL so much!!!
    Merry Christmas Easy!!!

  41. FleaByte says:

    HO-LEE CRAP. What a story! Wow. Makes me want to buy your mom a doll house.

  42. Easy, Easy, Easy…truly…your blog is a book waiting to happen. No one in the paw blogosphere writes as well as you and your staff…really…no one…and reading it via translator is even better…which is I guess what I am reading if not…then THAT is even better…I cry with you, I laugh with you and I live joyfully with you…*excuse me…bwahahahahahahha* Ok, back again…didn’t mean to have to leave to *powder my nose*

  43. wyatt says:

    Wow, you deserve to have a bestest Howl o wistmas, Britmas or whatever you want for all of eternity! Thanks for sharing the funny story and Happy Howl o wistmas!
    Wyatt and Stanzie

  44. OMG that was one disaster after another :-(, however I do have to admit I did laugh a little – dry humour xxxx

  45. catfromhell says:

    Easy! What a horrible tale of woe. No wonder your Mommy likes to has special Christmases.
    Kisses
    Nellie

  46. Lee says:

    Lee wants to know if we are related. The last Christmas Lee spent with friends, the friend’s father started slicing the ham with an electric knife that was not hooked in right. The blade went got him in the wrist went across the table and got a guest in the shoulder. It was a massacre Christmas. Blood all over the table no one ate and the emergency room got their money. Lee stays home usually alone now.
    Thanks for being a friend
    Sweet William The Scot

  47. speedyrabbit says:

    wow scary tale,Mum said her christmass were alway magical that’s why she loves it so much,xx Rachel

  48. […] For my mom that was a DOLLHOUSE. A real one, not the thingy her beloved grampy made for her and what was the reason for a smelly fire in the house… you can read about that shed here. […]

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